{"title":"The Gift Shop at the End of Decorum","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"mounjaro-apothecary-jar","title":"Mounjaro apothecary jar","description":"Apothecary Stoneware Jar “Mounjaro” Vintage Style Jar 11 cm x 8.5 cm Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor anyone who’s swapped cake for weekly injections and wants to store their smugness in style. This stoneware apothecary jar is labelled “Mounjaro” in fancy black print, perfect for holding your medication, snacks you no longer eat, or the personality you lost somewhere between doses.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding around 11 cm tall and 8.5 cm wide, it’s the ideal size for a kitchen shelf, bathroom cabinet, or altar to self-control. Made from heavyweight stoneware with a glazed finish that says Victorian chemist, modern chaos.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach one has its own little quirks, just like your metabolism.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Holding pen tips, needles, or sugar-free sweets\u003cbr\u003e\n• Weight-loss warriors and chaos dieters\u003cbr\u003e\n• Gifts for friends who now live on coffee and spite\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight 11 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth 8.5 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nStoneware jar with black print\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with a touch of vanity\u003cbr\u003e\nWipe clean only, not dishwasher safe\u003cbr\u003e\nContents not included, confidence optional","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965602488658,"sku":"ET-4322128342","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7402017197_t4ra.jpg?v=1783613077"},{"product_id":"disco-dust-white-apothecary-jar-pot","title":"Disco Dust white apothecary jar pot","description":"White Ceramic Jar Disco Dust\u003cbr\u003e\nA pure white ceramic jar trying so hard to behave while sporting the campest label in the kitchen. Disco Dust. Perfect for anyone whose aesthetic is Victorian apothecary but also a little bit Studio 54 goblin.\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands 10 cm tall and 9.9 cm wide which is the perfect size for tea, sugar and petty secrets. Any real disco dust is, of course, entirely fictional. For legal reasons, fictional. For chaotic reasons, fabulous.\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only. The dishwasher is already exhausted by your lifestyle choices.\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for chaotic hosts, glitterless club rats, elder emos and anyone who wants guests wondering if this jar contains sugar or the key to a very questionable night out.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965602619730,"sku":"ET-4409025530","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7421877508_iw7e.jpg?v=1783613079"},{"product_id":"emergency-lube-butter-dish-funny-kitchen-decor-rude-butter-with-lid-inappropriate-housewarming-gift-novelty-kitchenware-sarcastic-kitchen","title":"Emergency Lube Butter Dish Funny Kitchen Decor Rude Butter with Lid Inappropriate Housewarming Gift Novelty Kitchenware Sarcastic Kitchen","description":"**Emergency Lube Butter Dish**\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause some situations demand lubrication and toast is only the beginning.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis ceramic butter dish is boldly marked “Emergency Lube”, transforming an innocent breakfast essential into something that will make guests choke on their crumpets. It sits there looking perfectly respectable until someone actually reads it, at which point the room usually descends into the sort of laughter normally reserved for people who never emotionally matured past age twelve.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe wording is printed onto the dish itself, allowing it to function as a perfectly normal butter dish while quietly ruining the tone of polite breakfast conversations.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nButter dish measures approximately 19cm wide, 12cm long and 11cm high and comfortably fits standard butter blocks.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for sarcastic kitchens, inappropriate housewarming gifts, alternative home décor, or anyone who believes basic kitchenware should occasionally behave like a bad influence.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n**Hand wash only.**","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965602783570,"sku":"ET-4471883925","price":22.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8127030743_dhcw.jpg?v=1783613082"},{"product_id":"devils-lettuce-apothecary-jar","title":"Devils Lettuce apothecary jar","description":"Altered Apothecary Jar – “Devil’s Lettuce” – 11cm of Questionable Herbal Vibes\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNeed somewhere to stash your perfectly legal herbs with an air of Victorian quackery? Introducing this delightfully altered apothecary jar boldly labelled “Devil’s Lettuce” – because why whisper when you can scream it in gothic font?\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding at a charmingly suspicious 11cm high and 8.5cm wide, this little jar is just the right size to confuse nosy house guests. Is it oregano? Is it your dubious “art supplies”? Is it evidence? Who’s to say – that’s between you, your demons, and the lettuce.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFeatures:\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for herbs, questionable trinkets, or secret sugar stashes\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nRetro apothecary vibe that screams “I read spell books at 2am and make terrible life choices”\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only – because the dishwasher will judge you enough as it is\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStick it on a shelf, hide it in plain sight, or gift it to that one friend who’s always coughing for ‘allergies’. Just remember: if anyone asks, it’s strictly for aesthetic purposes… mostly.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965602914642,"sku":"ET-4329912089","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7354075370_aqlq.jpg?v=1783613086"},{"product_id":"crackpottery-ceramic-jar-cyanide-funny-storage-jar-dark-humour-kitchen-canister-cream-ceramic-jar-with-airtight-lid-quirky-gift","title":"Crackpottery Ceramic Jar “Cyanide  Funny Storage Jar, Dark Humour Kitchen Canister, Cream Ceramic Jar with Airtight Lid, Quirky Gift","description":"For those who prefer their kitchen storage with a touch of elegant menace.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis Crackpottery ceramic storage jar features bold black “Cyanide” lettering on a deceptively innocent cream ceramic finish, complete with an airtight sealed lid to keep contents fresh while quietly alarming house guests.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFinished with the signature Crackpottery ceramic teacup mark, because even questionable taste deserves proper branding.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAt 11cm diameter (4\") x 12cm high (5\"), it’s the perfect size for tea, coffee, sugar, biscuits, or any entirely legal household contents you’d like to store with a side of Victorian poison cabinet energy.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA gloriously inappropriate addition to goth kitchens, apothecary-inspired decor, coffee stations, or as a gift for someone whose sense of humour sits comfortably between refined and concerning.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis jar is made from cream ceramic with black printed wording, features an airtight seal lid, and is fully functional as well as decorative. Hand wash recommended.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPlease note: Listing is for one jar only. Contents not included. Murderous intent also not included.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965603045714,"sku":"ET-4503850679","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8012092922_qog4.jpg?v=1783613087"},{"product_id":"ketamine-large-glass-apothecary-jar","title":"Ketamine Large Glass apothecary jar","description":"Apothecary Amber Glass Jar “Ketamine” Vintage Style Jar 15 cm x 10 cm Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor the delightfully unhinged décor lover with a dark sense of humour. This large amber glass apothecary jar is labelled “Ketamine” in bold black and white print, perfect for sugar, bath salts, or the illusion of stability.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding around 15 cm tall and 10 cm wide, it’s the perfect size for a bathroom shelf, curiosity cabinet, or that spot next to your emotional support coffee. The deep amber glass keeps your contents private while the airtight lid locks in freshness, mystery, and mild dissociation.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach jar is slightly unique because chaos should always be handcrafted.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Sugar, cotton pads, or existential dread\u003cbr\u003e\n• Goths, medics, and functioning disasters\u003cbr\u003e\n• Gifts for friends who laugh through the breakdown\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight 15 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth 10 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nAmber glass jar with black and white print\u003cbr\u003e\nAirtight lid included\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with chaotic charm\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only, not dishwasher safe\u003cbr\u003e\nContents not included, trip sold separately","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965603111250,"sku":"ET-4395764451","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7339955116_4x76_4c0fb50f-c443-43df-a2d8-5afce66a21d2.jpg?v=1783613090"},{"product_id":"cyanide-small-glass-jar","title":"Cyanide small glass jar","description":"Glass Jar – “Cyanide” (with Spoon)\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight: 9.4cm | Width: 8.3cm | Hand wash only, unless you’re feeling lucky\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAdd a touch of homicidal elegance to your kitchen counter with this charming little jar boldly labelled Cyanide—perfect for sugar, salt, or whatever else keeps you from screaming into the abyss.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nComes with a dainty spoon for that refined poisoner aesthetic, because why commit murder when you can suggest it passive-aggressively through home decor?\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNot suitable for actual cyanide.\u003cbr\u003e\nUnless you’re in a Victorian novel or planning to host a dinner party with guests you despise.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965603209554,"sku":"ET-4341658985","price":14.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7102225659_ia78.jpg?v=1783613093"},{"product_id":"inappropriate-breakfast-knife-set-4-engraved-butter-knives-stainless-steel-funny-kitchen-gift","title":"Inappropriate Breakfast Knife Set  4 Engraved Butter Knives | Stainless Steel | Funny Kitchen Gift","description":"A perfectly respectable set of butter knives.\u003cbr\u003e\nUntil you read them.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis set of four stainless steel butter knives has been permanently engraved with some deeply questionable breakfast instructions. Perfect for spreading butter, jam, and mild social discomfort across your morning routine.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDesigned for people who enjoy rude things in polite places.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe Set Includes\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• Butter My Muffin\u003cbr\u003e\n• Show Me Your Knob\u003cbr\u003e\n• Just The Tip \u003cbr\u003e\n• Spread Me Daddy\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFour knives. One extremely inappropriate breakfast.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• Set of 4 engraved butter knives\u003cbr\u003e\n• Stainless steel\u003cbr\u003e\n• Permanent laser engraving (not printed or stuck on)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 24.5 cm each\u003cbr\u003e\n• Food safe stainless steel\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCare\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDishwasher safe, although hand washing will help keep the finish looking its best for longer.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nUnlike many items in my shop, these knives are brand new, not vintage pieces like my plates. Each one is engraved in my studio before heading out into the world to cause minor breakfast-related chaos.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA shop dedicated to putting questionable words on very respectable objects.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause polite crockery clearly needed corrupting.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965604258130,"sku":"ET-4478543703","price":30.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7907121996_28cw.jpg?v=1783613099"},{"product_id":"imperfect-engraved-cutlery-add-on-studio-seconds-funny-rude-cutlery","title":"Imperfect Engraved Cutlery Add-On | Studio Seconds | Funny Rude Cutlery","description":"Quantity must match the number of full-priced items in your order. Any extras will be refunded.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nTHE DRAWER OF SHAME\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA 20p add-on for people who enjoy giving slightly wonky things a loving home.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nMy studio has accumulated a frankly unreasonable amount of engraved cutlery that didn’t quite make the cut for full-price sale. Some pieces have minor scratches or marks. Some engravings are slightly off-centre. Some are discontinued designs, test pieces, or simply victims of me deciding I didn’t like them after all.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThey are still perfectly functional pieces of cutlery. They’re just not up to the standard I’d sell individually at full price.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAdd this listing to your order and I’ll include one imperfect engraved piece of cutlery for each quantity purchased.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor example:\u003cbr\u003e\nQuantity 1 = 1 imperfect piece\u003cbr\u003e\nQuantity 3 = 3 imperfect pieces\u003cbr\u003e\nQuantity 5 = 5 imperfect pieces\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis is an add-on item only and must be purchased alongside another item from my shop. Orders for this item on it‘s own will be cancelled.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach piece is selected from available studio seconds stock. Designs cannot be chosen or requested.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nYour piece may have one or more minor imperfections, including:\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• Light scratches or surface marks\u003cbr\u003e\n• Slightly off-centre engraving\u003cbr\u003e\n• Small engraving inconsistencies\u003cbr\u003e\n• Cosmetic imperfections\u003cbr\u003e\n• Discontinued designs\u003cbr\u003e\n• Test engravings\u003cbr\u003e\n• Designs I decided not to release\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe exact cutlery type may vary depending on available studio seconds stock and may include spoons, teaspoons, forks, knives or other engraved cutlery pieces.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNo refunds or exchanges are accepted on this add-on due to disclosed cosmetic imperfections and the nature of studio seconds. Your statutory rights are not affected.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nOne quantity purchased = one imperfect engraved cutlery piece added to your order.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nTwenty pence. One rescued bit of questionable cutlery. The Drawer of Shame gets slightly less full.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965604356434,"sku":"ET-4534071595","price":0.2,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8223014422_5uhm.jpg?v=1783613100"},{"product_id":"marijuana-apothecary-jar","title":"Marijuana apothecary jar","description":"Altered Apothecary Jar – “Marijuana” – 11cm of Highly Questionable Charm\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBehold this delightfully dodgy little apothecary jar, standing a mighty 11cm high and 8.5cm wide – just big enough to hold your ahem “herbal remedies” or any other small treasures you’d rather keep out of sight from nosy visitors and your gran.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLovingly altered to flaunt Marijuana right on the front, this jar is the perfect conversation starter for that one cousin who always “forgets” his lighter or your mate who still insists it should be legal everywhere, man.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPop it on a shelf, stash it in your “totally innocent” kitchen cupboard, or gift it to that friend who’s got more rolling papers than sense. Whatever you do, don’t put it in the dishwasher – it’s handwash only, because even rebellious jars have standards.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nUse it for tea, sugar, a secret stash of chocolate buttons, or you know… actual herbs (wink wink). It’s your life. I’m just here to enable it with classy yet questionable home décor.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965604421970,"sku":"ET-4322121439","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7354146088_q3iy.jpg?v=1783613103"},{"product_id":"nerves-shot-ceramic-jar-funny-statement-storage-humorous-home-decor-novelty-gift","title":"Nerves (Shot) Ceramic Jar | Funny Statement Storage | Humorous Home Decor | Novelty Gift","description":"A sweet and innocent looking white ceramic jar, helpfully labelled for moments when courage is required immediately and dignity is optional.\u003cbr\u003e\nNerves (Shot).\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for people who are absolutely fine until they are not, and then suddenly need a moment, a breath, and possibly a sit down.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands approximately **10cm tall and 9.9cm wide**, which is an ideal size for loose change, tea, sugar, petty secrets, or whatever ritual you perform before doing the thing you said you’d already done.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nClean white ceramic. Bold text. No judgement. Liquid confidence not included.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n**Details**\u003cbr\u003e\n• White ceramic jar\u003cbr\u003e\n• Height approx 10cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width approx 9.9cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Lid included\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n**Care**\u003cbr\u003e\nDecorative use recommended.\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only.\u003cbr\u003e\nNot dishwasher or microwave safe.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe dishwasher cannot steady your hands or your life choices.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for kitchens, bars, shelves, studios, and anyone who needs a symbolic boost before public speaking, socialising, phone calls, or opening emails.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis jar will not calm your nerves.\u003cbr\u003e\nBut it does acknowledge them politely.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965604520274,"sku":"ET-4441170861","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7650208781_6d8f.jpg?v=1783613104"},{"product_id":"lsd-stoneware-apothecary-jar","title":"LSD stoneware apothecary jar","description":"Apothecary Stoneware Jar “LSD” Vintage Style Jar 11 cm x 8.5 cm Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor the dreamers, the visionaries, and anyone who’s ever stared too long at wallpaper. This stoneware apothecary jar is labelled “LSD” in crisp black print, perfect for holding sweets, sugar cubes, or your colourful imagination.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding around 11 cm tall and 8.5 cm wide, it’s the ideal size for a kitchen shelf, curiosity cabinet, or trippy tea table. Made from heavyweight stoneware with a glazed finish that says Victorian chemist meets 1960s enlightenment.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach jar has its own quirks because straight lines are for sober people.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Sugar cubes, sweets, or psychedelic décor\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hippies, artists, and lovers of chaos\u003cbr\u003e\n• Gifts for friends who see the world a little differently\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight 11 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth 8.5 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nStoneware jar with black print\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with cosmic flair\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only, not dishwasher safe\u003cbr\u003e\nContents not included, hallucinations not supplied","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965604651346,"sku":"ET-4395753747","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7387836017_e22y.jpg?v=1783613108"},{"product_id":"jar-tears-of-my-enemies-white-apothecary-jar-pot","title":"Jar Tears Of My Enemies white apothecary jar pot","description":"White Ceramic Jar Tears Of My Enemies\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA pure white ceramic jar doing its level best to look angelic while proudly labelled Tears Of My Enemies. The most accurate and aspirational item in your entire kitchen, and a beautiful reminder that pettiness is an art form.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands 10 cm tall and 9.9 cm wide which is the perfect size for tea, sugar and petty secrets, though let’s be honest, she’s spiritually filled with the salty sorrow of those who doubted you.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only. The dishwasher knows exactly whose tears these are and refuses to be implicated.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for chaotic hosts, victorious goblins, elder emos and anyone who thrives on spite-powered hydration.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965604946258,"sku":"ET-4409029628","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7469829831_9zem.jpg?v=1783613111"},{"product_id":"ketamine-white-apothecary-jar-pot","title":"Ketamine white apothecary jar pot","description":"White Ceramic Jar Ketamine\u003cbr\u003e\nA perfectly innocent white ceramic jar doing its best to look respectable while wearing the most chaotic veterinary-adjacent label imaginable. Ketamine. Ideal for anyone whose kitchen aesthetic is Victorian apothecary but also slightly feral.\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands 10 cm tall and 9.9 cm wide which is the perfect size for tea, sugar and petty secrets. Any actual ket inside would be entirely fictional. For legal reasons, fictional. For comedic reasons, unhinged perfection.\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only. The dishwasher already thinks you’re a menace and does not need further confirmation.\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for chaotic hosts, elder emos, kitchen goblins and anyone who enjoys watching guests hesitate before accepting a cup of tea.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965605208402,"sku":"ET-4409036357","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7421896276_fzkr.jpg?v=1783613113"},{"product_id":"poison-white-apothecary-jar-pot","title":"Poison white apothecary jar pot","description":"White Ceramic Jar Poison\u003cbr\u003e\nA perfectly angelic white ceramic jar wearing the most dramatic label of them all. Poison. Ideal for anyone whose kitchen aesthetic sits somewhere between Victorian apothecary and mildly concerning.\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands 10 cm tall and 9.9 cm wide which is the perfect size for tea, sugar and petty secrets. Absolutely zero real poison, just unhinged vibes. For legal reasons, fictional. For aesthetic reasons, deliciously ominous.\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only. The dishwasher has enough trauma without adding this to its existential crisis.\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for chaotic cooks, goth kitchen goblins, elder emos and anyone who loves watching their guests take a cautious step back before asking what is in the jar.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965605405010,"sku":"ET-4409024846","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7421872632_tw3v.jpg?v=1783613114"},{"product_id":"poison-small-glass-jar","title":"Poison small glass jar","description":"POISON Glass Jar with Spoon\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight: 9.4cm | Width: 8.3cm | Hand wash only (unless you fancy a bit of bonus tetanus)\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor when your sugar needs a little more suspicion and your kitchen decor screams “Victorian apothecary meets domestic menace.”\u003cbr\u003e\nThis delightful little jar is perfect for storing sweetener, loose tea, or just a healthy sense of dread. Comes complete with a spoon so you can dose your guests with passive aggression one scoop at a time.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLabelled “POISON” because:\u003cbr\u003e\n\t•\tIt’s more honest than “sweetener”\u003cbr\u003e\n\t•\tYou like your kitchenware to double as a threat\u003cbr\u003e\n\t•\tOr maybe you just want to stop people nicking your coffee stash at work\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only—because if it dies in the dishwasher, we can’t be held responsible for what happens next.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965605470546,"sku":"ET-4341665347","price":14.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7054300320_nl14.jpg?v=1783613118"},{"product_id":"cuntea-engraved-gold-teaspoon-funny-rude-spoon-adult-humour-gift-novelty-tea-spoon-sarcastic-kitchen-gift-gothic-cutlery","title":"Cuntea Engraved Gold Teaspoon, Funny Rude Spoon, Adult Humour Gift, Novelty Tea Spoon, Sarcastic Kitchen Gift, Gothic Cutlery","description":"A refined teaspoon for deeply unrefined energy.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n“CUNTEA” engraved in all its glory, because sometimes tea just isn’t strong enough on its own.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis brushed gold teaspoon looks elegant, behaves appropriately, and then absolutely ruins the vibe the second anyone reads it. Exactly as intended.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for stirring tea, coffee, or the pot when you feel like causing problems in a very polite setting.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Brushed gold stainless steel teaspoon\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 13.1 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width: 2.9 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Depth: 1.8 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Engraving is permanent and won’t wash off\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not a sticker, not printed, no fading nonsense\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPackaging:\u003cbr\u003e\nPresented in a soft velvet pouch, like the unhinged little artefact it is.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant Notes:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not vintage, just emotionally unstable\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fully functional teaspoon with questionable intentions\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hand wash recommended to keep the gold finish looking its best","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965605601618,"sku":"ET-4480892223","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7912008695_icmd.jpg?v=1783613122"},{"product_id":"teabag-me-teabag-tidy-funny-tea-bag-holder-rude-tea-lover-gift-gothic-kitchen-decor-dark-humour-homeware","title":"Teabag Me Teabag Tidy | Funny Tea Bag Holder | Rude Tea Lover Gift | Gothic Kitchen Decor | Dark Humour Homeware","description":"A sophisticated ceramic accessory for people who immediately spotted the joke and are absolutely not sorry about it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis ceramic teabag tidy features the phrase \"Teabag Me\" in an ornate gothic style, providing a designated resting place for your used teabags and your rapidly declining standards.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for tea lovers, gamers, goths, and anyone who still giggles at things they probably shouldn‘t.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWhether you‘re enjoying a calming brew or aggressively caffeinating your way through the day, this little dish is ready to catch the drips while your dignity slips quietly out the back door.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails\u003cbr\u003e\n• Ceramic teabag tidy\u003cbr\u003e\n• Permanent black design\u003cbr\u003e\n• Measures approximately 9.5cm x 9.5cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Suitable for everyday use\u003cbr\u003e\n• Ideal gift for tea drinkers with a questionable sense of humour\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA practical kitchen accessory that‘s somehow both useful and deeply immature.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPlease note: contains no actual teabagging. Results may vary depending on your social circle.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965605667154,"sku":"ET-4513340036","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8075917234_67mj.jpg?v=1783613122"},{"product_id":"cocaine-white-apothecary-jar-pot","title":"Cocaine white apothecary jar pot","description":"White Ceramic Jar Cocaine\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA sweet and wholesome looking white ceramic jar wearing the most unwholesome label imaginable. Cocaine. Because nothing spices up a kitchen like making your guests question every life choice that brought them to your countertop.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands 10 cm tall and 9.9 cm wide which is the perfect size for tea, sugar, petty secrets or your absolutely fictional coke stash. For legal reasons, fictional. For comedic reasons, iconic.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only. The dishwasher already thinks you are unhinged and does not need further confirmation.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for chaotic hosts, goth kitchen goblins, elder emos and anyone who wants visitors to think twice before asking what is in the cookies.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965605765458,"sku":"ET-4409023294","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7469784815_pyze.jpg?v=1783613124"},{"product_id":"arsenic-large-glass-apothecary-jar","title":"Arsenic Large Glass apothecary jar","description":"Apothecary Amber Glass Jar “Arsenic” Vintage Style Jar 15 cm x 10 cm Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor the elegant villain who likes their kitchenware a little bit deadly. This large amber glass apothecary jar is labelled “Arsenic” in bold black and white print, perfect for sugar, salt, or the occasional dramatic statement piece.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding around 15 cm tall and 10 cm wide, it’s the perfect size for your kitchen shelf, apothecary cabinet, or display of beautifully suspicious items. The deep amber glass keeps your contents hidden while the airtight lid locks in freshness and secrets.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach jar is slightly unique because true wickedness deserves a personal touch.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Sugar, salt, or your “special ingredients”\u003cbr\u003e\n• Witches, goths, and charmingly sinister hosts\u003cbr\u003e\n• Gifts for friends with dark humour and good taste\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight 15 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth 10 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nAmber glass jar with black and white print\u003cbr\u003e\nAirtight lid included\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with wicked elegance\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only, not dishwasher safe\u003cbr\u003e\nContents not included, toxicity optional","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965605929298,"sku":"ET-4395766971","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7339969788_imfj.jpg?v=1783613128"},{"product_id":"arsenic-white-apothecary-jar-pot","title":"Arsenic white apothecary jar pot","description":"White Ceramic Jar Arsenic\u003cbr\u003e\nA pure white ceramic jar pretending to be the picture of innocence while wearing the most murderous little label in the kitchen. Arsenic. Perfect for anyone whose aesthetic is Victorian apothecary with a hint of suspicious widow energy.\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands 10 cm tall and 9.9 cm wide which is the perfect size for tea, sugar and petty secrets. Any real arsenic would be entirely fictional. For legal reasons, fictional. For dramatic reasons, utterly iconic.\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only. The dishwasher has already seen enough and does not need forensic implications added to its CV.\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for chaotic cooks, cottage goths, elder emos and anyone who wants guests to take a respectful step back before asking what is in the jar.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965605994834,"sku":"ET-4409028552","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7421898628_65xt.jpg?v=1783613131"},{"product_id":"butter-my-muffin-engraved-butter-knife-stainless-steel-funny-kitchen-gift","title":"Butter My Muffin Engraved Butter Knife | Stainless Steel | Funny Kitchen Gift","description":"A perfectly respectable butter knife.\u003cbr\u003e\nUntil you read it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis stainless steel butter knife has been permanently engraved with the phrase “Butter My Muffin”, because normal kitchen utensils are clearly not chaotic enough.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for spreading butter, jam, or mild discomfort across the breakfast table.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA small piece of inappropriate cutlery for people who enjoy rude things in polite places.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• Phrase engraved: Butter My Muffin\u003cbr\u003e\n• Stainless steel\u003cbr\u003e\n• Permanent laser engraving (not printed or stuck on)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 24.5 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Food safe stainless steel\u003cbr\u003e\n• Sold individually\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCare\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDishwasher safe, although hand washing will help keep the finish looking its best for longer.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nUnlike many items in my shop, these knives are brand new, not vintage. Each one is engraved in my studio before being released into the world to cause minor breakfast-related chaos.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA shop dedicated to putting questionable words on very respectable objects.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause polite crockery clearly needed corrupting.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965606060370,"sku":"ET-4478542739","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7907120958_h8tz.jpg?v=1783613135"},{"product_id":"urine-do-not-take-ceramic-jar-funny-statement-storage-humorous-home-decor-novelty-gift","title":"Urine Do Not Take Ceramic Jar | Funny Statement Storage | Humorous Home Decor | Novelty Gift","description":"A sweet and innocent looking white ceramic jar, labelled with a public service announcement and a warning.\u003cbr\u003e\nUrine Do Not Take.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIt’s not literal.\u003cbr\u003e\nIt’s British.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for people who enjoy wordplay, dry humour, and reminding everyone in the room to stop taking the piss immediately.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands approximately 10cm tall and 9.9cm wide, which is an ideal size for loose change, tea, sugar, petty secrets, or the audacity of whoever last tested your patience.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nClean white ceramic. Bold text. No judgement. Message received.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails\u003cbr\u003e\n• White ceramic jar\u003cbr\u003e\n• Height approx 10cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width approx 9.9cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Lid included\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCare\u003cbr\u003e\nDecorative use recommended.\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only.\u003cbr\u003e\nNot dishwasher or microwave safe.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe dishwasher absolutely takes the piss.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for kitchens, offices, shelves, studios, and anyone who has reached their limit politely.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis jar does not contain urine.\u003cbr\u003e\nIt does contain a warning.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965606191442,"sku":"ET-4441185446","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7602298054_pntn.jpg?v=1783613137"},{"product_id":"emotional-baggage-ceramic-jar-funny-statement-storage-humorous-home-decor-novelty-gift","title":"Emotional Baggage Ceramic Jar Funny Statement Storage Humorous Home Decor Novelty Gift","description":"A sweet and innocent looking white ceramic jar, boldly labelled with the one thing everyone swears they don’t have.\u003cbr\u003e\nEmotional Baggage.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for people who claim they’re “fine actually” while visibly carrying several unresolved issues and a haunted past.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands approximately **10cm tall and 9.9cm wide**, which is an ideal size for loose change, tea, sugar, petty secrets, or the feelings you absolutely do not have time to unpack right now.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nClean white ceramic. Bold text. No judgement. Quietly screaming on the inside.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n**Details**\u003cbr\u003e\n• White ceramic jar\u003cbr\u003e\n• Height approx 10cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width approx 9.9cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Lid included\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n**Care**\u003cbr\u003e\nDecorative use recommended.\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only.\u003cbr\u003e\nNot dishwasher or microwave safe.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe dishwasher is not equipped to process feelings.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for shelves, desks, bedrooms, studios, and anyone who uses humour to cope and storage to compartmentalise.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis jar will not heal you.\u003cbr\u003e\nIt will, however, keep everything neatly contained where guests can see it.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965606420818,"sku":"ET-4441167467","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7602241446_916w.jpg?v=1783613142"},{"product_id":"aqua-tofana-small-glass-jar","title":"Aqua Tofana small glass jar","description":"Aqua Tofana Glass Jar\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight: 9.4cm | Width: 8.3cm | Hand wash only (obviously)\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nMeet your new favourite little poison pot.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis innocent-looking glass jar is labelled Aqua Tofana—the legendary 17th-century “cosmetic” that helped countless women widow themselves with quiet elegance and zero prison time. Whether you’re storing sugar, secrets, or something far more incriminating, this jar will sit on your shelf whispering, “he had it coming.”\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for the kitchen, apothecary, or lair of a woman who’s just had enough.\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only—because dishwashers weren’t built for murder accessories.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWarning: Does not actually contain poison. Yet.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n#TheCrackpottery #AquaTofana #DeadlyButDecorative #VintageVibesWithHomicidalEnergy.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965606486354,"sku":"ET-4341651281","price":14.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7054224726_c3x4.jpg?v=1783613145"},{"product_id":"emergency-serotonin-ceramic-jar-funny-mental-health-decor-statement-storage-novelty-gift","title":"Emergency Serotonin Ceramic Jar | Funny Mental Health Decor | Statement Storage | Novelty Gift","description":"A sweet and innocent looking white ceramic jar, labelled for situations where your mood has plummeted without notice and you require immediate emotional assistance.\u003cbr\u003e\nEmergency Serotonin.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for people who were fine five minutes ago and are now deeply unwell about absolutely everything.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands approximately 10cm tall and 9.9cm wide, which is an ideal size for loose change, tea, sugar, petty secrets, or whatever you’re desperately reaching for to feel even slightly normal again.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nClean white ceramic. Bold text. No judgement. Situation critical.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails\u003cbr\u003e\n• White ceramic jar\u003cbr\u003e\n• Height approx 10cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width approx 9.9cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Lid included\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCare\u003cbr\u003e\nDecorative use recommended.\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only.\u003cbr\u003e\nNot dishwasher or microwave safe.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe dishwasher is not equipped for emotional crises.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for bedside tables, desks, shelves, studios, and anyone whose brain enjoys pulling the fire alarm for no reason.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis jar will not produce serotonin.\u003cbr\u003e\nBut it does recognise the emergency and that’s something.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965606650194,"sku":"ET-4441184386","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7650236313_gagu.jpg?v=1783613147"},{"product_id":"arsenic-small-glass-jar","title":"Arsenic small glass jar","description":"Arsenic Glass Jar with Spoon\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight: 9.4cm | Width: 8.3cm | Hand wash only (obviously)\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause nothing says “welcome to my kitchen” like a charming little jar labeled ARSENIC. Comes complete with a tiny spoon—perfect for sugar, salt, or, you know… murder.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWhether you’re storing loose tea or loose morals, this gleefully inappropriate jar adds just the right amount of sinister to your shelf. It’s dainty, deadly-looking, and guaranteed to make your mother-in-law nervous.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNot suitable for actual arsenic (legal said we had to say that).\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only—unless you want to poison the dishwasher too.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965606912338,"sku":"ET-4341660178","price":14.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7054287552_fimg.jpg?v=1783613152"},{"product_id":"entwined-forever-what-a-fucking-nightmare-plate-vintage-crackpottery-with-stand","title":"Entwined Forever, What a Fucking Nightmare Plate  Vintage Crackpottery with stand","description":"💍 16cm “Entwined Forever, What a Fucking Nightmare” Plate – Vintage Crackpottery 💍\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor the lovers, the exes, and the ones who know that “forever” sometimes feels like a life sentence. A beautifully bitter take on eternal devotion, served on delicate vintage china.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n🍽 The Plate\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSize: 16cm, perfect for rings, biscuits, or emotional baggage\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nGenuine vintage crockery, rescued and upcycled with romantic despair\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHand-finished in the UK by The Crackpottery, purveyors of tragic love and decorative profanity\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n⚠️ Please Note\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor display only, not suitable for food or dishwasher\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach plate is vintage and unique, just like your questionable relationship choices\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n🎁 Perfect For\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWeddings, anniversaries, and ironic engagements\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCouples who argue for sport\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAnyone who’s been in love and lived to tell the tale\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause some love stories deserve fine china and a restraining order.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965607010642,"sku":"ET-4529952407","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8240820969_9ap4.jpg?v=1783613157"},{"product_id":"cut-my-food-into-pieces-cutlery-set-engraved-knife-stabby-fork-gothic-blackletter-dark-humour-gift","title":"Cut My Food Into Pieces Cutlery Set | Engraved Knife \u0026 Stabby Fork | Gothic Blackletter | Dark Humour Gift","description":"There’s a certain elegance to dining.\u003cbr\u003e\nThis is not that.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis is for those who approach meals with mild hostility and a strong sense of humour.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFeaturing a matching engraved set. The knife reads Cut my food into pieces. The fork reads This is my stabby fork. A refined pairing for chaotic souls, late-night snacks, and anyone who’s ever taken their dinner personally.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe set includes one knife and one fork. Each piece is permanently laser engraved, not printed, so the design won’t fade or peel. The typography is a gothic Blackletter style for that slightly ominous dining experience. The cutlery is stainless steel with a polished finish, designed and engraved by The Crackpottery. You can also purchars each piece singularly from the options menu.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for dinner guests you don’t entirely trust, upgrading your kitchen drawer into something far less respectable, or gifting to someone with a questionable sense of humour who will absolutely understand the assignment.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe knife measures approximately 22.5 cm in length and the fork is a standard dinner fork size. As with all real-world objects, slight variations may occur.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThese are fully usable cutlery items. They are not sold as weapons, regardless of the tone. Probably best kept away from anyone who takes things too literally.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHand washing is recommended to keep the engraving looking sharp. Dishwashers may dull the finish over time.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNo receipts are included, so you can send this directly to whoever deserves it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSome people light candles for dinner. Others bring this to the table and let the atmosphere take care of itself.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAdd to basket before your sensible side intervenes.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Knife and Fork","offer_id":53965607108946,"sku":"ET-31846754884","price":18.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fork","offer_id":53965607141714,"sku":"ET-31541592217","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Knife","offer_id":53965607174482,"sku":"ET-31846754880","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7947108850_7hcn.jpg?v=1783613159"},{"product_id":"serotonin-stoneware-jar-funny-mental-health-decor-statement-storage-novelty-gift","title":"Serotonin Stoneware Jar | Funny Mental Health Decor | Statement Storage | Novelty Gift","description":"A solid stoneware jar, gently labelled with the chemical everyone is trying to coax out of their own brain using routines, fresh air, and sheer willpower.\u003cbr\u003e\nSerotonin.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for people who are doing all the right things, most of the time, and would still like a small reward for the effort.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands approximately 11cm tall and 8.5cm wide, which is an ideal size for loose change, tea, sugar, petty secrets, or the fragile calm you manage to achieve between minor inconveniences.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNeutral stoneware. Black text. No judgement. Mild stability.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight approx 11cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth approx 8.5cm\u003cbr\u003e\nStoneware jar\u003cbr\u003e\nBlack text\u003cbr\u003e\nCork lid\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with a sense of futility\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCare\u003cbr\u003e\nDecorative use recommended.\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only.\u003cbr\u003e\nNot dishwasher or microwave safe.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe dishwasher will not regulate your mood.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis jar will not fix your brain chemistry.\u003cbr\u003e\nBut it does acknowledge that you’re trying.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965607305554,"sku":"ET-4441181543","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7650277339_a8ym.jpg?v=1783613164"},{"product_id":"arsenic-cork-lid-jar-victorian-poison-bottle-style-gothic-shelf-decor","title":"Arsenic Cork Lid Jar  Victorian Poison Bottle Style  Gothic Shelf Decor","description":"Altered Apothecary Jar – Arsenic – For When You Just Can’t Anymore\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAdd a dash of Victorian villain energy to your home with this gloriously suspicious altered apothecary jar. Measuring a dainty-yet-deadly 11cm high and 8.5cm wide, this tiny pot of poison vibes is perfect for storing literally anything (except actual arsenic – please, I beg you).\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStick it on a shelf in the kitchen to terrify nosey guests, pop it in the bathroom for your dubious cotton buds, or gift it to that friend who always threatens to “accidentally” poison their boss. The possibilities are as endless as your dark sense of humour.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding at around 11 cm tall and 8.5 cm wide\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only, because it’s delicate – and also because we can’t guarantee your dishwasher won’t spontaneously combust from sheer intimidation.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nMay contain traces of sarcasm, definitely does not contain actual poison. Probably.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965607371090,"sku":"ET-4500229785","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7989143398_ioqj.jpg?v=1783613167"},{"product_id":"shrooms-apothecary-jar","title":"Shrooms apothecary jar","description":"Altered Apothecary Jar with Shrooms – 9.5cm of Fungal Fancy\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBehold this 9.5cm high, 7cm wide apothecary jar: a tiny glass shrine to your undying love of weird mushrooms, questionable potions, and general cottagecore chaos.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLovingly altered and topped with shrooms on the front, this jar is perfect for:\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHiding your totally legal stash of herbs (wink).\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStoring your emergency ‘Calm Down’ sweets.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nKeeping your chaotic witchy secrets safe from nosy housemates.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIt’s the kind of jar that says, “Yes, I probably forage. No, you can’t see my mushroom collection.”\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant:\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only – treat this jar like the delicate, slightly unhinged treasure it is. If you put it in the dishwasher, I’ll personally send a tiny mushroom gnome to judge you from your cutlery drawer.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nReady to add a sprinkle of shroomy mischief to your shelf? This little apothecary jar’s got your back. Probably.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965607436626,"sku":"ET-4322127444","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7353995728_pdc1.jpg?v=1783613170"},{"product_id":"viagra-apothecary-jar-gothic-storage-jar-funny-adult-humour-decor-alternative-gift","title":"Viagra Apothecary Jar  Gothic Storage Jar  Funny Adult Humour Decor  Alternative Gift","description":"Apothecary Stoneware Jar “Viagra” Vintage Style Jar 11 cm x 8.5 cm Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor those who like their shelf décor firm and full of confidence. This stoneware apothecary jar is labelled “Viagra” in bold black print, perfect for anyone who enjoys a little tongue-in-cheek charm with their storage solutions.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding around 11 cm tall and 8.5 cm wide, it’s the ideal size for pills, mints, or crushed dreams. Made from heavyweight stoneware with a glossy finish that says Victorian pharmacy meets midlife crisis.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach jar is slightly unique because consistency is overrated and performance anxiety is real.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Pills, sweets, or other little blue mysteries\u003cbr\u003e\n• Gifts for him, her, or anyone with a sense of humour\u003cbr\u003e\n• Bathroom, bedside, or anywhere needing a boost\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight 11 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth 8.5 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nStoneware jar with black print\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with enthusiasm\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only, not dishwasher safe\u003cbr\u003e\nContents not included, stamina not guaranteed","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965607534930,"sku":"ET-4500247796","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7989190884_yvwh.jpg?v=1783613173"},{"product_id":"marijuana-large-glass-apothecary-jar","title":"Marijuana Large Glass apothecary jar","description":"Apothecary Amber Glass Jar “Marijuana” Vintage Style Jar 15 cm x 10 cm Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor the classy cannabis connoisseur who likes their stash with a touch of vintage charm. This large amber glass apothecary jar is labelled “Marijuana” in bold black and white print, perfect for herbs, tea, or your favourite leafy indulgence.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding around 15 cm tall and 10 cm wide, it’s the perfect size for your kitchen shelf, curiosity cabinet, or that “hidden” spot everyone pretends not to see. The rich amber glass keeps your contents private while the airtight lid locks in freshness, flavour, and plausible innocence.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach jar is slightly unique because good herbs deserve personality.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Herbs, tea, or your “special greens”\u003cbr\u003e\n• Witches, stoners, and relaxed rebels\u003cbr\u003e\n• Gifts for friends who think laughter is medicinal\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight 15 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth 10 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nAmber glass jar with black and white print\u003cbr\u003e\nAirtight lid included\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with mellow charm\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only, not dishwasher safe\u003cbr\u003e\nContents not included, good vibes sold separately","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965607600466,"sku":"ET-4395759032","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7389345231_kxc5.jpg?v=1783613175"},{"product_id":"crack-apothecary-jar","title":"Crack apothecary jar","description":"“CRACK” Altered Apothecary Jar – For All Your Totally Innocent Storage Needs\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLooking for the perfect little jar to spark concern, confusion, and uncontrollable laughter from every visitor to your bathroom shelf or kitchen counter? Say hello to this altered apothecary jar boldly labelled “CRACK.”\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding a respectable 11cm high and 8.5cm wide, this vintage-style glass pot is just the right size to stash whatever suspicious white powder, questionable sweets, or actual boring sugar you fancy.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWant to keep nosy guests guessing? Pop it on your coffee table. Need an icebreaker for awkward dinner parties? Fill it with mints. Or don’t. It’s your jar, your reputation.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis gem is handwash only because no self-respecting “CRACK” jar should go spinning through a dishwasher. Some things are sacred.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBuy it for yourself, gift it to a friend with an outrageous sense of humour, or simply use it as a conversation starter for when your mum pops round unannounced.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDisclaimer: Contains absolutely no actual crack. Unless you want it to. I’m not your mum.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965607797074,"sku":"ET-4329914354","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7354064100_2sgd.jpg?v=1783613178"},{"product_id":"cuntea-bags-teabag-tidy-funny-tea-bag-holder-rude-tea-lover-gift-dark-humour-gothic-homeware","title":"Cuntea Bags Teabag Tidy | Funny Tea Bag Holder | Rude Tea Lover Gift | Dark Humour Gothic Homeware","description":"Cuntea Bags Teabag Tidy\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause apparently \"tea bag holder\" wasn‘t immature enough.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis ceramic teabag tidy features the phrase \"Cuntea Bags\" in an ornate gothic style, providing a suitably classy resting place for your soggy little disappointments.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for those who enjoy tea, profanity, and making guests question whether they should accept a brew in your house.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Tea addicts\u003cbr\u003e\n• Chaos goblins\u003cbr\u003e\n• People who peaked emotionally in Year 9\u003cbr\u003e\n• Anyone incapable of walking past a teabag without making the joke\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails\u003cbr\u003e\n• Ceramic teabag tidy\u003cbr\u003e\n• Permanent black design\u003cbr\u003e\n• Measures approximately 9.5cm x 9.5cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Suitable for everyday use\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA practical kitchen accessory for catching drips, preventing stains, and ensuring your tea station remains at least marginally less feral.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPlease note: does not improve your tea-making abilities, emotional stability, or level of sophistication.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965607960914,"sku":"ET-4513340463","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8075924252_ow31.jpg?v=1783613182"},{"product_id":"that-sounds-like-a-you-problem-vintage-plate-with-stand","title":"That sounds like a you problem, vintage plate with stand","description":"“That Sounds Like a You Problem” – Decorative Vintage Plate (16cm of Pure Passive-Aggression)\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLet’s be honest: some people are just walking you problems with legs. And while you could politely nod and pretend to care, why not let a plate do the emotional labour instead?\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis gloriously unhelpful 16cm vintage plate is here to set the tone. Whether it’s a whiny co-worker, a needy ex, or your neighbour Karen and her parking drama, this plate will stare them down with vintage elegance and zero emotional bandwidth.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStrictly decorative (just like your cousin who ‘influences’ for a living), this snarky beauty comes with a display stand so you can prop it up somewhere visible — like your desk, your hallway shrine of petty vengeance, or directly in the eyeline of whoever needs the message most.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNot food safe. Not emotionally available. Not your problem.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965608059218,"sku":"ET-4529960295","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8240870923_78fj.jpg?v=1783613184"},{"product_id":"crackpottery-ceramic-jar-arsenic-funny-storage-jar-dark-humour-kitchen-canister-cream-ceramic-jar-with-airtight-lid-quirky-gift","title":"Crackpottery Ceramic Jar “Arsenic  Funny Storage Jar, Dark Humour Kitchen Canister, Cream Ceramic Jar with Airtight Lid, Quirky Gift","description":"For those who like their kitchen storage with a distinctly questionable historical undertone.\u003cbr\u003e\nThis Crackpottery ceramic storage jar features bold black “Arsenic” wording on a deceptively respectable cream ceramic finish, complete with an airtight sealed lid to keep contents fresh while making visitors quietly reassess your character.\u003cbr\u003e\nFinished with the signature Crackpottery ceramic teacup mark, because even alarming taste deserves proper branding.\u003cbr\u003e\nAt 11cm diameter (4\") x 12cm high (5\"), it’s the perfect size for tea, coffee, sugar, biscuits, or any entirely harmless household contents you’d prefer to store with Victorian poison cabinet energy.\u003cbr\u003e\nA gloriously inappropriate addition to goth kitchens, apothecary-inspired shelves, dark academia spaces, or as a gift for someone whose humour is refined, concerning, and probably fuelled by caffeine.\u003cbr\u003e\nThis jar is made from cream ceramic with black wording, features an airtight seal lid, and is fully functional as well as decorative. Hand wash recommended.\u003cbr\u003e\nPlease note: Listing is for one jar only. Contents not included. Sinister ambience provided free of charge.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965608386898,"sku":"ET-4503866998","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8060051087_m3t2.jpg?v=1783613191"},{"product_id":"lsd-apothecary-jar","title":"LSD apothecary jar","description":"Apothecary Stoneware Jar “LSD” Vintage Style Jar 11 cm x 8.5 cm Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor the dreamers, the visionaries, and anyone who’s ever stared too long at wallpaper. This stoneware apothecary jar is labelled “LSD” in crisp black print, perfect for holding sweets, sugar cubes, or your colourful imagination.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding around 11 cm tall and 8.5 cm wide, it’s the ideal size for a kitchen shelf, curiosity cabinet, or trippy tea table. Made from heavyweight stoneware with a glazed finish that says Victorian chemist meets 1960s enlightenment.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach jar has its own quirks because straight lines are for sober people.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Sugar cubes, sweets, or psychedelic décor\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hippies, artists, and lovers of chaos\u003cbr\u003e\n• Gifts for friends who see the world a little differently\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight 11 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth 8.5 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nStoneware jar with black print\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with cosmic flair\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only, not dishwasher safe\u003cbr\u003e\nContents not included, hallucinations not supplied","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965608452434,"sku":"ET-4322121979","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7402079549_bt5m.jpg?v=1783613196"},{"product_id":"cyanide-apothecary-jar-gothic-storage-jar-poison-bottle-decor-dark-humour-gift","title":"Cyanide Apothecary Jar  Gothic Storage Jar  Poison Bottle Decor  Dark Humour Gift","description":"Apothecary Stoneware Jar “Cyanide” Vintage Style Jar 11 cm x 8.5 cm Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor the hopeless romantic who believes in commitment… or at least an exit plan. This stoneware apothecary jar is labelled “Cyanide” in elegant black print, perfect for adding a hint of menace to your mantelpiece.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding at around 11 cm tall and 8.5 cm wide, it’s the ideal size for tea, sugar, or your most toxic traits. Made from heavyweight stoneware with a glazed finish that says Victorian poison cabinet but make it chic.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach jar is slightly unique because perfection is boring and danger looks better with character.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Tea, coffee, or questionable intentions\u003cbr\u003e\n• Goths, chemists, and ex-girlfriends\u003cbr\u003e\n• Gifts for anyone who appreciates dark humour and a matching aesthetic\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight 11 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth 8.5 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nStoneware jar with black print\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with sinister charm\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only, not dishwasher safe\u003cbr\u003e\nContents not included, do not ingest","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965608747346,"sku":"ET-4500239150","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7989139766_ozj8.jpg?v=1783613204"},{"product_id":"marbles-lost-white-apothecary-jar-pot","title":"Marbles (Lost) white apothecary jar pot","description":"White Ceramic Jar Marbles (Lost)\u003cbr\u003e\nA sweet little white ceramic jar boldly announcing what everyone already suspected. Marbles (Lost). The most accurate label in your entire home and a touching tribute to the sanity you misplaced somewhere between 2009 and last Thursday.\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands 10 cm tall and 9.9 cm wide which is the perfect size for tea, sugar and petty secrets, though let’s be real, she’s completely empty because those marbles are long gone and not coming back.\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only. The dishwasher can’t help you find them and frankly has its own problems.\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for chaotic hosts, elder emos, gremlins running on vibes and anyone who wants guests to understand that stability left the chat years ago.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965608812882,"sku":"ET-4409027828","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7469817931_onor.jpg?v=1783613207"},{"product_id":"love-potion-white-apothecary-jar-pot","title":"Love Potion white apothecary jar pot","description":"White Ceramic Jar Love Potion\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA sweet and innocent white ceramic jar masquerading as something romantic while wearing the most suspicious label of them all. Love Potion. Perfect for anyone whose vibe is Victorian apothecary with a dash of chaotic fairy godmother energy.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands 10 cm tall and 9.9 cm wide which is the perfect size for tea, sugar and petty secrets, though let’s be honest, any actual love potion would be entirely fictional. For legal reasons, fictional. For dramatic reasons, dangerously charming.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only. The dishwasher is already side eyeing your life choices and doesn’t need more chaos.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for chaotic hosts, cottage goths, elder emos and anyone who wants guests questioning whether you’re offering them tea or trying to recruit a new spouse.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965608911186,"sku":"ET-4409028916","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7421900872_senq.jpg?v=1783613212"},{"product_id":"spread-me-daddy-cutlery-set-engraved-knife-fork-me-slowly-fork-gothic-blackletter-cheeky-kitchen-gift","title":"Spread Me Daddy Cutlery Set | Engraved Knife \u0026 Fork Me Slowly Fork | Gothic Blackletter | Cheeky Kitchen Gift","description":"Dining etiquette suggests restraint.\u003cbr\u003e\nThis set did not get the memo.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor those who like their tableware a little suggestive and their humour firmly in the gutter, this matching pair delivers exactly the right amount of chaos.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe knife reads Spread Me Daddy. The fork reads Fork Me Slowly. Together, they form a beautifully inappropriate duet for toast, crumpets, and any situation that’s already getting out of hand.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe set includes one stainless steel spreader and one stainless steel dinner fork, engraved with the wording shown in the listing photographs.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach piece is permanently laser engraved, not printed, so the design won’t fade or peel. The lettering is in a bold gothic Blackletter style, giving it that dramatic, slightly scandalous presence at the table.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDesigned and engraved by The Crackpottery.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for housewarming gifts that raise eyebrows, kitchen drawer upgrades of questionable taste, or anyone who appreciates a bit of innuendo with their breakfast.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe spreader measures approximately 22.5 cm in length and the fork is a standard dinner fork size.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHand washing is recommended to help maintain the polished finish. Dishwashers may dull the finish over time.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNo receipts are included, so you can send this directly to whoever will either love it or regret knowing you.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSome people set the table. Others set the tone.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAdd to basket before this somehow feels like a bad","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"set","offer_id":53965608976722,"sku":"ET-32882632801","price":18.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"spreader","offer_id":53965609009490,"sku":"ET-33215644204","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fork","offer_id":53965609042258,"sku":"ET-32882326195","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7995083811_5y54.jpg?v=1783613214"},{"product_id":"crackpottery-ceramic-jar-poison-funny-storage-jar-dark-humour-kitchen-canister-cream-ceramic-jar-with-airtight-lid-quirky-gift","title":"Crackpottery Ceramic Jar “Poison  Funny Storage Jar, Dark Humour Kitchen Canister, Cream Ceramic Jar with Airtight Lid, Quirky Gift","description":"For those who believe home storage should come with at least a mild sense of unease.\u003cbr\u003e\nThis Crackpottery ceramic storage jar features bold black “Poison” wording on a deceptively respectable cream ceramic finish, complete with an airtight sealed lid to keep contents fresh while making guests subtly reconsider accepting refreshments.\u003cbr\u003e\nFinished with the signature Crackpottery ceramic teacup mark, because even ominous household décor deserves proper branding.\u003cbr\u003e\nAt 11cm diameter (4\") x 12cm high (5\"), it’s the perfect size for tea, coffee, sugar, biscuits, dried herbs, or any entirely harmless household contents you’d prefer to store with dramatic Victorian flair.\u003cbr\u003e\nA gloriously inappropriate addition to goth kitchens, apothecary-inspired shelves, dark academia spaces, or as a gift for someone whose sense of humour sits comfortably between elegant and vaguely threatening.\u003cbr\u003e\nThis jar is made from cream ceramic with black wording, features an airtight seal lid, and is fully functional as well as decorative. Hand wash recommended.\u003cbr\u003e\nPlease note: Listing is for one jar only. Contents not included. Sinister atmosphere included as standard.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965609107794,"sku":"ET-4503864733","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8060077017_as80.jpg?v=1783613219"},{"product_id":"existential-dread-apothecary-jar-gothic-storage-jar-dark-humour-kitchen-decor-spooky-black-ceramic-canister-alternative-home-gift","title":"Existential Dread Apothecary Jar  Gothic Storage Jar  Dark Humour Kitchen Decor  Spooky Black Ceramic Canister  Alternative Home Gift","description":"Apothecary Stoneware Jar “Existential Dread” Vintage Style Jar 11 cm x 8.5 cm Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause sometimes your herbs aren’t the only thing you’re keeping contained. This stoneware apothecary jar is labelled “Existential Dread” in fancy black print, perfect for anyone who’s holding it together with caffeine, sarcasm, and sheer willpower.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nStanding at around 11 cm tall and 8.5 cm wide, it’s just the right size for storing tea, or your overwhelming sense of impending doom. Made from heavyweight stoneware with a glazed finish that says Victorian pharmacist, modern breakdown.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach one is slightly unique because perfection is overrated and so are most of us.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Tea, coffee, or tears\u003cbr\u003e\n• Goths, philosophers, and the terminally tired\u003cbr\u003e\n• Gifts for people who laugh through the void\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nHeight 11 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nWidth 8.5 cm\u003cbr\u003e\nStoneware jar with black print\u003cbr\u003e\nHand finished with a sense of futility\u003cbr\u003e\nWipe clean only, not dishwasher safe\u003cbr\u003e\nContents not included, dread sold separately","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965609402706,"sku":"ET-4500233480","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8037031057_i09s.jpg?v=1783613221"},{"product_id":"my-last-fuck-white-apothecary-jar-pot","title":"My Last Fuck white apothecary jar pot","description":"White Ceramic Jar My Last Fuck\u003cbr\u003e\nA perfectly innocent white ceramic jar proudly declaring the truth you’ve been living for years. My Last Fuck. The most accurate label in the entire kitchen and quite possibly your whole personality at this point.\u003cbr\u003e\nShe stands 10 cm tall and 9.9 cm wide which is the ideal size for tea, sugar and petty secrets, but we both know she contains nothing because you ran out of fucks sometime in 2017.\u003cbr\u003e\nHandwash only. The dishwasher has already given up and doesn’t care either.\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for chaotic hosts, elder emos, burned out goblins and anyone who wants guests to understand exactly how many shits are left in the emotional inventory. Spoiler. It’s none.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965609468242,"sku":"ET-4409027046","price":16.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7421887580_aghz.jpg?v=1783613228"},{"product_id":"id-rather-laugh-with-the-sinners-than-cry-with-the-saints-vintage-decorative-plate-funny-gothic-gift-vintage-china-alternative-home","title":"I'd Rather Laugh with the Sinners Than Cry with the Saints Vintage Decorative Plate | Funny Gothic Gift | Vintage China | Alternative Home","description":"I‘d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLet‘s be honest. The saints are probably in bed by half past nine.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nMeanwhile the sinners have ordered another round, made three terrible life choices, adopted a taxidermy raccoon named Nigel, and somehow have the best stories.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA vintage decorative plate featuring wording for those who firmly believe that good company matters far more than good behaviour.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nProduct Details\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSize: 16cm\u003cbr\u003e\nGenuine vintage china with black wording\u003cbr\u003e\nFREE plate stand included\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant Information\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDecorative only. While technically a plate, we‘d strongly recommend displaying it rather than serving your Sunday roast on it.\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only. It‘s vintage. Treat it with a little more respect than your last situationship.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect For\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLovers of dark humour\u003cbr\u003e\nGothic and alternative homes\u003cbr\u003e\nRecovering people pleasers\u003cbr\u003e\nThe family disappointment\u003cbr\u003e\nAnyone who knows the best conversations never start with \"I followed all the rules.\"\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPlease Note\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach plate is individually sourced, so the border pattern, shape and backstamp will vary, making every piece unique. As genuine vintage china, it may show gentle signs of its previous life. Any noticeable imperfections will always be shown in the photographs and form part of its character.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965624475986,"sku":"ET-4527821126","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8225246075_pfts.jpg?v=1783613665"},{"product_id":"shit-stirring-spoon-engraved-gold-teaspoon-funny-rude-spoon-gift-adult-humour-cutlery-novelty-teaspoon-sarcastic-kitchen-gift","title":"Shit Stirring Spoon Engraved Gold Teaspoon, Funny Rude Spoon Gift, Adult Humour Cutlery, Novelty Teaspoon, Sarcastic Kitchen Gift","description":"For those who don’t just sip tea… they actively escalate it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n“SHIT STIRRING SPOON” engraved on a perfectly respectable brushed gold teaspoon, because sometimes subtlety is overrated and chaos deserves proper equipment.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLooks elegant. Feels refined. Absolutely cannot be trusted.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for tea, coffee, and inserting yourself into situations that had nothing to do with you five minutes ago.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Brushed gold stainless steel teaspoon\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 13.1 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width: 2.9 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Depth: 1.8 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Engraving is permanent and won’t wash off\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not a sticker, not printed, no fading nonsense\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPackaging:\u003cbr\u003e\nPresented in a soft velvet pouch, ready to be gifted or deployed immediately.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant Notes:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not vintage, just professionally problematic\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fully functional teaspoon with deeply questionable morals\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hand wash recommended to keep the gold finish looking its best","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965624934738,"sku":"ET-4480898466","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7912025379_g57o.jpg?v=1783613673"},{"product_id":"heroin-small-glass-jar","title":"Heroin small glass jar","description":"HEROIN\u003cbr\u003e\n(Just the jar, sadly.)\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause what your kitchen really needed was a completely inappropriate, wildly questionable glass jar proudly labelled HEROIN in bold letters—just to keep the in-laws on their toes and the neighbours guessing.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for storing sugar, tea, your darkest secrets, or just vibes that scream “I used to be fun.”\u003cbr\u003e\n\t•\tHeight: 9.4cm of poor life choices\u003cbr\u003e\n\t•\tWidth: 8.3cm of raised eyebrows\u003cbr\u003e\n\t•\tHand wash only, unless you’d like to see what happens when sarcasm meets a dishwasher meltdown\u003cbr\u003e\n\t•\t100% not suitable for actual heroin. You muppet.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nUse responsibly. Or don’t. We’re not your mum.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965625000274,"sku":"ET-4341648405","price":14.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7054209252_mqhu.jpg?v=1783613676"},{"product_id":"just-the-tip-engraved-butter-knife-stainless-steel-funny-kitchen-gift","title":"Just the Tip Engraved Butter Knife | Stainless Steel | Funny Kitchen Gift","description":"A perfectly respectable butter knife.\u003cbr\u003e\nUntil you read it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis brushed gold stainless steel butter knife has been permanently engraved with the phrase “Just The Tip”, because breakfast clearly needed a little more chaos.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for spreading butter, jam, or deeply inappropriate humour across toast, crumpets, and unsuspecting house guests.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDesigned for people who enjoy rude things in polite places.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• Phrase engraved: Lube the Loaf\u003cbr\u003e\n• Stainless steel\u003cbr\u003e\n• Permanent laser engraving (not printed or stuck on)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 24.5 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Food safe stainless steel\u003cbr\u003e\n• Sold individually\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCare\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDishwasher safe, although hand washing will help keep the finish looking its best for longer.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nUnlike many items in my shop, these knives are brand new, not vintage pieces. Each one is engraved in my studio before heading out into the world to cause mild breakfast-related chaos.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe Crackpottery\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA shop dedicated to putting questionable words on very respectable objects.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause polite crockery deserves a little corruption.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965625229650,"sku":"ET-4478549848","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7907120164_a3z2.jpg?v=1783613681"}],"url":"https:\/\/thecrackpottery.com\/collections\/shop.oembed?page=8","provider":"The Crackpottery ","version":"1.0","type":"link"}