{"title":"Corrupted Cutlery","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"imperfect-engraved-cutlery-add-on-studio-seconds-funny-rude-cutlery","title":"Imperfect Engraved Cutlery Add-On | Studio Seconds | Funny Rude Cutlery","description":"Quantity must match the number of full-priced items in your order. Any extras will be refunded.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nTHE DRAWER OF SHAME\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nA 20p add-on for people who enjoy giving slightly wonky things a loving home.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nMy studio has accumulated a frankly unreasonable amount of engraved cutlery that didn’t quite make the cut for full-price sale. Some pieces have minor scratches or marks. Some engravings are slightly off-centre. Some are discontinued designs, test pieces, or simply victims of me deciding I didn’t like them after all.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThey are still perfectly functional pieces of cutlery. They’re just not up to the standard I’d sell individually at full price.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAdd this listing to your order and I’ll include one imperfect engraved piece of cutlery for each quantity purchased.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor example:\u003cbr\u003e\nQuantity 1 = 1 imperfect piece\u003cbr\u003e\nQuantity 3 = 3 imperfect pieces\u003cbr\u003e\nQuantity 5 = 5 imperfect pieces\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis is an add-on item only and must be purchased alongside another item from my shop. Orders for this item on it‘s own will be cancelled.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach piece is selected from available studio seconds stock. Designs cannot be chosen or requested.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nYour piece may have one or more minor imperfections, including:\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• Light scratches or surface marks\u003cbr\u003e\n• Slightly off-centre engraving\u003cbr\u003e\n• Small engraving inconsistencies\u003cbr\u003e\n• Cosmetic imperfections\u003cbr\u003e\n• Discontinued designs\u003cbr\u003e\n• Test engravings\u003cbr\u003e\n• Designs I decided not to release\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe exact cutlery type may vary depending on available studio seconds stock and may include spoons, teaspoons, forks, knives or other engraved cutlery pieces.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNo refunds or exchanges are accepted on this add-on due to disclosed cosmetic imperfections and the nature of studio seconds. Your statutory rights are not affected.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nOne quantity purchased = one imperfect engraved cutlery piece added to your order.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nTwenty pence. One rescued bit of questionable cutlery. The Drawer of Shame gets slightly less full.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965604356434,"sku":"ET-4534071595","price":0.2,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8223014422_5uhm.jpg?v=1783613100"},{"product_id":"cuntea-engraved-gold-teaspoon-funny-rude-spoon-adult-humour-gift-novelty-tea-spoon-sarcastic-kitchen-gift-gothic-cutlery","title":"Cuntea Engraved Gold Teaspoon, Funny Rude Spoon, Adult Humour Gift, Novelty Tea Spoon, Sarcastic Kitchen Gift, Gothic Cutlery","description":"A refined teaspoon for deeply unrefined energy.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n“CUNTEA” engraved in all its glory, because sometimes tea just isn’t strong enough on its own.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis brushed gold teaspoon looks elegant, behaves appropriately, and then absolutely ruins the vibe the second anyone reads it. Exactly as intended.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for stirring tea, coffee, or the pot when you feel like causing problems in a very polite setting.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Brushed gold stainless steel teaspoon\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 13.1 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width: 2.9 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Depth: 1.8 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Engraving is permanent and won’t wash off\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not a sticker, not printed, no fading nonsense\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPackaging:\u003cbr\u003e\nPresented in a soft velvet pouch, like the unhinged little artefact it is.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant Notes:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not vintage, just emotionally unstable\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fully functional teaspoon with questionable intentions\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hand wash recommended to keep the gold finish looking its best","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965605601618,"sku":"ET-4480892223","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7912008695_icmd.jpg?v=1783613122"},{"product_id":"cut-my-food-into-pieces-cutlery-set-engraved-knife-stabby-fork-gothic-blackletter-dark-humour-gift","title":"Cut My Food Into Pieces Cutlery Set | Engraved Knife \u0026 Stabby Fork | Gothic Blackletter | Dark Humour Gift","description":"There’s a certain elegance to dining.\u003cbr\u003e\nThis is not that.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis is for those who approach meals with mild hostility and a strong sense of humour.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFeaturing a matching engraved set. The knife reads Cut my food into pieces. The fork reads This is my stabby fork. A refined pairing for chaotic souls, late-night snacks, and anyone who’s ever taken their dinner personally.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe set includes one knife and one fork. Each piece is permanently laser engraved, not printed, so the design won’t fade or peel. The typography is a gothic Blackletter style for that slightly ominous dining experience. The cutlery is stainless steel with a polished finish, designed and engraved by The Crackpottery. You can also purchars each piece singularly from the options menu.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for dinner guests you don’t entirely trust, upgrading your kitchen drawer into something far less respectable, or gifting to someone with a questionable sense of humour who will absolutely understand the assignment.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe knife measures approximately 22.5 cm in length and the fork is a standard dinner fork size. As with all real-world objects, slight variations may occur.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThese are fully usable cutlery items. They are not sold as weapons, regardless of the tone. Probably best kept away from anyone who takes things too literally.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHand washing is recommended to keep the engraving looking sharp. Dishwashers may dull the finish over time.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNo receipts are included, so you can send this directly to whoever deserves it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSome people light candles for dinner. Others bring this to the table and let the atmosphere take care of itself.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAdd to basket before your sensible side intervenes.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Knife and Fork","offer_id":53965607108946,"sku":"ET-31846754884","price":18.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fork","offer_id":53965607141714,"sku":"ET-31541592217","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Knife","offer_id":53965607174482,"sku":"ET-31846754880","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7947108850_7hcn.jpg?v=1783613159"},{"product_id":"spread-me-daddy-cutlery-set-engraved-knife-fork-me-slowly-fork-gothic-blackletter-cheeky-kitchen-gift","title":"Spread Me Daddy Cutlery Set | Engraved Knife \u0026 Fork Me Slowly Fork | Gothic Blackletter | Cheeky Kitchen Gift","description":"Dining etiquette suggests restraint.\u003cbr\u003e\nThis set did not get the memo.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nFor those who like their tableware a little suggestive and their humour firmly in the gutter, this matching pair delivers exactly the right amount of chaos.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe knife reads Spread Me Daddy. The fork reads Fork Me Slowly. Together, they form a beautifully inappropriate duet for toast, crumpets, and any situation that’s already getting out of hand.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe set includes one stainless steel spreader and one stainless steel dinner fork, engraved with the wording shown in the listing photographs.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach piece is permanently laser engraved, not printed, so the design won’t fade or peel. The lettering is in a bold gothic Blackletter style, giving it that dramatic, slightly scandalous presence at the table.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDesigned and engraved by The Crackpottery.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for housewarming gifts that raise eyebrows, kitchen drawer upgrades of questionable taste, or anyone who appreciates a bit of innuendo with their breakfast.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe spreader measures approximately 22.5 cm in length and the fork is a standard dinner fork size.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHand washing is recommended to help maintain the polished finish. Dishwashers may dull the finish over time.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nNo receipts are included, so you can send this directly to whoever will either love it or regret knowing you.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSome people set the table. Others set the tone.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAdd to basket before this somehow feels like a bad","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"set","offer_id":53965608976722,"sku":"ET-32882632801","price":18.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"spreader","offer_id":53965609009490,"sku":"ET-33215644204","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fork","offer_id":53965609042258,"sku":"ET-32882326195","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7995083811_5y54.jpg?v=1783613214"},{"product_id":"shit-stirring-spoon-engraved-gold-teaspoon-funny-rude-spoon-gift-adult-humour-cutlery-novelty-teaspoon-sarcastic-kitchen-gift","title":"Shit Stirring Spoon Engraved Gold Teaspoon, Funny Rude Spoon Gift, Adult Humour Cutlery, Novelty Teaspoon, Sarcastic Kitchen Gift","description":"For those who don’t just sip tea… they actively escalate it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n“SHIT STIRRING SPOON” engraved on a perfectly respectable brushed gold teaspoon, because sometimes subtlety is overrated and chaos deserves proper equipment.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLooks elegant. Feels refined. Absolutely cannot be trusted.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for tea, coffee, and inserting yourself into situations that had nothing to do with you five minutes ago.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Brushed gold stainless steel teaspoon\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 13.1 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width: 2.9 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Depth: 1.8 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Engraving is permanent and won’t wash off\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not a sticker, not printed, no fading nonsense\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPackaging:\u003cbr\u003e\nPresented in a soft velvet pouch, ready to be gifted or deployed immediately.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant Notes:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not vintage, just professionally problematic\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fully functional teaspoon with deeply questionable morals\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hand wash recommended to keep the gold finish looking its best","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965624934738,"sku":"ET-4480898466","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7912025379_g57o.jpg?v=1783613673"},{"product_id":"engraved-gothic-forks-dark-humour-stainless-steel-cutlery-funny-gift-for-goth-kitchen-novelty-fork-crackpottery","title":"Engraved Gothic Forks  Dark Humour Stainless Steel Cutlery  Funny Gift for Goth Kitchen, Novelty Fork, Crackpottery","description":"For those who believe dining should feel at least mildly threatening.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThese engraved stainless steel forks feature unapologetically inappropriate gothic wording in Crackpottery’s signature blackletter style, turning an ordinary bit of cutlery into something your dinner guests will either adore or quietly back away from.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nChoose from gloriously terrible options including Fork This, Fork That, Stabby Little Fucker, and Fork About and Find Out, because standard cutlery simply lacks personality.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach fork is laser engraved for a permanent finish, not a sticker, not a transfer, and not likely to survive polite family dinners.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for goth kitchens, dark humour gift giving, chaotic table settings, passive-aggressive lunch breaks, or anyone who thinks mealtime should come with a warning label.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCrafted from stainless steel with an ornate vintage-style handle and engraved in bold gothic blackletter for maximum dramatic flair.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal as:\u003cbr\u003e\nFunny gift for him or her, rude kitchen gift, goth home décor, alternative housewarming gift, novelty cutlery, inappropriate dinner party accessory, emotionally supportive weapon-shaped object.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nStainless steel engraved fork\u003cbr\u003e\nPermanent laser engraved design\u003cbr\u003e\nVintage-inspired ornate handle\u003cbr\u003e\nGothic lettering\u003cbr\u003e\nMultiple phrase options available\u003cbr\u003e\nFunctional cutlery with deeply questionable attitude","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Fork This","offer_id":53965626212690,"sku":"ET-32172150222","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fork That","offer_id":53965626245458,"sku":"ET-31866597309","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Stabby Little Fucker","offer_id":53965626278226,"sku":"ET-32172150220","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Fork About, Find Out","offer_id":53965626310994,"sku":"ET-32172150218","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Full set","offer_id":53965626343762,"sku":"ET-32172150216","price":30.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8060120403_cr0c.jpg?v=1783613698"},{"product_id":"sluttlery-set-gold-hammered-knife-fork-spoon-set-funny-engraved-cutlery-gift","title":"Sluttlery Set | Gold Hammered Knife, Fork \u0026 Spoon Set | Funny Engraved Cutlery Gift","description":"For those who feel ordinary cutlery lacks both personality and plausible deniability.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis matching gold cutlery set includes a knife engraved \"Spread Me Daddy\", a fork engraved \"Fork Me Slowly\", and a spoon engraved \"Spooning Leads to Forking\". Together they tell a complete and deeply inappropriate story from breakfast through to dessert.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nMade from gold-coloured stainless steel with hammered-effect handles, this set looks surprisingly sophisticated at first glance. Then somebody reads it and the entire tone of the meal changes.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThe wording is permanently laser engraved onto the cutlery itself, not applied with vinyl or stickers, so it won‘t peel, fade, or disappear after a few trips to the sink. Unfortunately neither will the memory of serving your in-laws with it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach piece measures approximately 23cm long and is fully functional, assuming everyone at the table can maintain eye contact afterwards.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for weddings, anniversaries, housewarmings, Valentine‘s gifts, or anyone whose approach to romance can best be described as \"increasingly concerning\".\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPresented together, the set offers a complete dining experience. First you spread. Then you fork. Then you discover exactly where spooning was leading all along.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash only.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBecause some cutlery sets are heirlooms, and some become evidence.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965628539218,"sku":"ET-4516578147","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8146481187_ld9a.jpg?v=1783613748"},{"product_id":"forensic-butter-knife-set-evidence-exhibit-a-internal-use-only-case-closed-engraved-cutlery","title":"FORENSIC BUTTER KNIFE set  “Evidence \/ Exhibit A \/ Internal Use Only \/ Case Closed  Engraved Cutlery","description":"A perfectly normal set of butter knives.\u003cbr\u003e\nNothing to see here.\u003cbr\u003e\nPlease stop asking questions.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis engraved knife set brings quiet crime scene energy to your kitchen. Each blade looks like it’s been logged, tagged, and submitted… just before someone buttered a crumpet with it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDesigns included:\u003cbr\u003e\nEvidence\u003cbr\u003e\nExhibit A\u003cbr\u003e\nInternal Use Only\u003cbr\u003e\nCase Closed\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nEach phrase is engraved cleanly across the blade in a bold, high-contrast style. Minimal, official-looking, and just unsettling enough to raise eyebrows over breakfast.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\nStainless steel butter knives (silver finish)\u003cbr\u003e\nApprox. 22.5 cm length\u003cbr\u003e\nLaser engraved for a permanent, high-contrast finish\u003cbr\u003e\nSold as a set of 4\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for:\u003cbr\u003e\nDinner parties that take a turn\u003cbr\u003e\nTrue crime addicts\u003cbr\u003e\nPeople who label everything… including their toast\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant notes:\u003cbr\u003e\nThese are butter knives, not weapons… despite appearances\u003cbr\u003e\nEach item is engraved individually, so slight variations may occur\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPackaging:\u003cbr\u003e\nSecurely packed so your “evidence” arrives intact and ready for presentation","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Exhibit A","offer_id":53965636600146,"sku":"ET-31938659800","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Evidence","offer_id":53965636632914,"sku":"ET-31938659798","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Internal use only","offer_id":53965636665682,"sku":"ET-31633886205","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"cause of death","offer_id":53965636698450,"sku":"ET-31938659796","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"set of 4","offer_id":53965636731218,"sku":"ET-31938659794","price":30.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8014397347_tbw9.jpg?v=1783614008"},{"product_id":"its-my-anxitea-engraved-gold-teaspoon-funny-anxiety-spoon-rude-teaspoon-gift-dark-humour-cutlery-novelty-spoon","title":"Its My Anxitea Engraved Gold Teaspoon, Funny Anxiety Spoon, Rude Teaspoon Gift, Dark Humour Cutlery, Novelty Spoon","description":"A teaspoon for when your brain won’t shut up and your tea is doing its best.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n“IT’S MY ANXITEA” engraved on a calm, elegant brushed gold spoon that absolutely does not match the internal chaos it represents.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPolite on the outside. Spiralling on the inside.\u003cbr\u003e\nJust like the rest of us.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for stirring tea, coffee, and intrusive thoughts.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Brushed gold stainless steel teaspoon\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 13.1 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width: 2.9 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Depth: 1.8 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Engraving is permanent and won’t wash off\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not a sticker, not printed, no fading nonsense\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPackaging:\u003cbr\u003e\nPresented in a soft velvet pouch, like a tiny emotional support object.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant Notes:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not vintage, just clinically dramatic\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fully functional teaspoon with anxious energy\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hand wash recommended to keep the gold finish looking its best","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965637255506,"sku":"ET-4480927128","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7912187991_km0g.jpg?v=1783614020"},{"product_id":"emotional-support-poison-engraved-gold-teaspoon-funny-dark-humour-spoon-gothic-teaspoon-gift-rude-cutlery-novelty-spoon","title":"Emotional Support Poison Engraved Gold Teaspoon, Funny Dark Humour Spoon, Gothic Teaspoon Gift, Rude Cutlery, Novelty Spoon","description":"Because sometimes tea isn’t enough.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n“EMOTIONAL SUPPORT POISON” engraved on a beautifully polite brushed gold teaspoon, designed for those moments when you’re holding it together… but only just.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nElegant, reassuring, and deeply concerning all at once.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for stirring tea, coffee, or whatever is getting you through the day.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Brushed gold stainless steel teaspoon\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 13.1 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width: 2.9 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Depth: 1.8 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Engraving is permanent and won’t wash off\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not a sticker, not printed, no fading nonsense\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPackaging:\u003cbr\u003e\nPresented in a soft velvet pouch, like a tiny, questionable comfort item.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant Notes:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not vintage, just coping\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fully functional teaspoon with alarming emotional undertones\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hand wash recommended to keep the gold finish looking its best","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965639188818,"sku":"ET-4480925108","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7864094396_n9oa.jpg?v=1783614075"},{"product_id":"engraved-everythings-a-dildo-if-youre-brave-enough-knife-dark-humour-stainless-steel-knife-gothic-cutlery-gift-crackpottery","title":"Engraved “Everythings a Dildo If Youre Brave Enough Knife  Dark Humour Stainless Steel Knife  Gothic Cutlery Gift  Crackpottery","description":"For those who believe kitchenware should come with deeply questionable life advice.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis engraved stainless steel knife features “Everything’s a Dildo If You’re Brave Enough” in Crackpottery’s signature gothic blackletter style, because apparently subtlety died somewhere between poor judgement and online confidence.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLaser engraved for a permanent finish, this isn’t a sticker, a transfer, or some temporary lapse in taste. Just gloriously inappropriate cutlery with absolutely no business existing.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for goth kitchens, rude novelty gifts, chaotic dinner parties, alternative home décor, or that one friend who should probably be supervised in homeware shops.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCrafted from stainless steel with a vintage-inspired aesthetic, this fully functional knife manages to be both practical and catastrophically unhinged.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAn ideal gift for lovers of dark humour, inappropriate kitchenware, gothic décor, and people whose sense of humour has long since escaped containment.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis knife is made from stainless steel with permanent laser engraving in gothic blackletter typography. Functional as everyday cutlery, decorative as a formal warning.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHand wash recommended to preserve finish.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPlease note: Listing is for one knife only. Food, poor decisions, and emergency room explanations not included.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965646070098,"sku":"ET-4503888608","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8012253984_d47d.jpg?v=1783614243"},{"product_id":"do-not-stir-engraved-gold-teaspoon-funny-rude-spoon-sarcastic-cutlery-novelty-teaspoon-gift-minimalist-dark-humour-spoon","title":"Do Not Stir Engraved Gold Teaspoon, Funny Rude Spoon, Sarcastic Cutlery, Novelty Teaspoon Gift, Minimalist Dark Humour Spoon","description":"A teaspoon with boundaries.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n“DO NOT STIR” engraved onto a perfectly capable brushed gold spoon that could absolutely stir… but chooses not to.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nElegant, minimal, and quietly defiant.\u003cbr\u003e\nIdeal for tea, coffee, and asserting control in situations where you have none.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Brushed gold stainless steel teaspoon\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 13.1 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width: 2.9 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Depth: 1.8 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Engraving is permanent and won’t wash off\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not a sticker, not printed, no fading nonsense\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPackaging:\u003cbr\u003e\nPresented in a soft velvet pouch, because even passive resistance deserves luxury.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant Notes:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not vintage, just stubborn\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fully functional teaspoon that simply won’t cooperate\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hand wash recommended to keep the gold finish looking its best","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965653180754,"sku":"ET-4480900794","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7864088544_4t3h.jpg?v=1783614417"},{"product_id":"engraved-not-as-sharp-as-my-tongue-knife-dark-humour-stainless-steel-knife-gothic-cutlery-gift-crackpottery","title":"Engraved “Not as Sharp as My Tongue Knife  Dark Humour Stainless Steel Knife  Gothic Cutlery Gift  Crackpottery","description":"For those who appreciate cutlery with the same level of passive aggression they bring to everyday conversation.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis engraved stainless steel knife features “Not as Sharp as My Tongue” in Crackpottery’s signature gothic blackletter style, transforming an ordinary piece of cutlery into a gloriously unnecessary personality trait.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nLaser engraved for a permanent finish, this isn’t a sticker, a transfer, or some sad temporary nonsense. Just beautifully inappropriate cutlery with a deeply judgemental attitude.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPerfect for goth kitchens, rude dinner party gifts, alternative home décor, sarcastic spouses, emotionally unavailable friends, or anyone whose strongest weapon has always been their mouth.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCrafted from stainless steel with a vintage-inspired aesthetic, this fully functional knife manages to be both useful and faintly threatening.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nAn ideal gift for lovers of dark humour, gothic décor, inappropriate kitchenware, or people who think polite dining is for the weak.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nThis knife is made from stainless steel with permanent laser engraving in gothic blackletter typography. Functional as everyday cutlery, decorative as a warning sign. Hand wash recommended to preserve finish.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPlease note: Listing is for one knife only. Food, family tension, and devastating comebacks not included.","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965658718546,"sku":"ET-4503887844","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.8012239308_9c1e.jpg?v=1783614486"},{"product_id":"coke-spoon-engraved-gold-teaspoon-funny-novelty-spoon-rude-humour-gift-sarcastic-cutlery-cheeky-kitchen-gift","title":"Coke Spoon Engraved Gold Teaspoon, Funny Novelty Spoon, Rude Humour Gift, Sarcastic Cutlery, Cheeky Kitchen Gift","description":"A perfectly respectable gold teaspoon with a… questionable job title.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n“COKE SPOON” engraved in clean, elegant lettering, giving just enough side-eye to anyone who reads it.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nIs it for sugar?\u003cbr\u003e\nIs it for cola?\u003cbr\u003e\nIs it none of your business?\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nExactly.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nSubtle enough to pass at a glance. Loud enough to land when noticed.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDetails:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Brushed gold stainless steel teaspoon\u003cbr\u003e\n• Length: 13.1 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Width: 2.9 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Depth: 1.8 cm\u003cbr\u003e\n• Engraving is permanent and won’t wash off\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not a sticker, not printed, no fading nonsense\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nPackaging:\u003cbr\u003e\nPresented in a soft velvet pouch, like a tiny suspicious artefact.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nImportant Notes:\u003cbr\u003e\n• Not vintage, just suggestive\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fully functional teaspoon with plausible deniability\u003cbr\u003e\n• Hand wash recommended to keep the gold finish looking its best","brand":"Etsy","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53965667139922,"sku":"ET-4480922523","price":10.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/1090\/2896\/6738\/files\/il_fullxfull.7864243800_94h0.jpg?v=1783614690"}],"url":"https:\/\/thecrackpottery.com\/collections\/corrupted-cutlery.oembed","provider":"The Crackpottery ","version":"1.0","type":"link"}